I engage in my weekly meditation session every Sunday whenever I can. Set in beautiful and safe surroundings, this seventeen-minute duration therapeutic binaural audio enables me to banish my severe depression even if only temporarily.
Usually I continue to remain lying in bed after having awoken. Then I envision myself being transported to an alternate universe far away from where I am at the moment.
When I open my eyes I envisage myself in a pitch black cave located somewhere in the Lake District. The scent of wet rock and the essence of petrichor arouses my sense of smell. I hear the sound of dripping water: it sounds as though it is coming from the cave roof; although I can’t confirm as I am unable to see anything. The voice of the gentleman and his appealing English accent comfort me on this bizarre journey. I am carrying a heavy object that feels like a large Sainsbury’s or Tesco shopping bag. I feel like dropping it somewhere; I have been wanting to put it down for a long time. As the semi-dim light appears before me, the details of my surroundings become more visible. A few steps away from me is a pool of water spread out like black and shining sill. When I move towards it and look down into it, I see a pattern of stars. I look up to see a hole in the cave roof; the star seems to pour down into it like a glittering waterfall of white silence.
The white beam of light coalesces into a human-like figure. Power, strength, and an absolute sense of protectiveness radiates from this God sent individual. My guardian has taken on the features and form of a special person; someone from a special needs organisation. I picture him/her as an attractive and kind-hearted soul. His/her light strikes me almost like a summer moonlight. He/she scoops up a handful of fresh clean water with his/her hands, offering it to me. In their palms, the liquid appears silvery-like; similar to metal. I tentatively taste it. It tastes unlike ordinary filtered mineral water; something about it leaves me feeling refreshed. I suddenly feel thirsty and drink more. I take one or two steps back and look at the heavy yet useless bag I’ve dropped. I am tempted to permanently let go of the heavy bundle containing my many countless burdens. My guardian encourages me to hand these burdens over to him one by one: anxiety; depression; frustration; bitterness; anger; sadness. As soon as they land in his/her hands, they crumble to pieces and vanish from the surface of the earth. I have been wanting to dispose of them for a long time.
Now that I am free from my burdens, my guardian scoops another cup of water. Since the bundles have dissolved in the water, I wonder if the taste of the water will be affected. But there is no taint of negative memory in the pureness; none of them held any power over me at all in the first place.
I get a proper look at my guardian and we smile at each other. I notice the rim of a full moon appearing over the edge of a rock far above me. It slowly floats into the centre, glowing like a white candle. It pours itself down upon me and upon the pool that fills the cave with radiance.
I realise that my guardian is far too bright to look upon. The shadows are pushed away as light flashes in my eyes.
Not too far away, the illuminations show me something I have not seen before: stairs cut into the rock leading into the outer world. My guardian reaches to take my hand; I accept it in return. I feel some sense of strength flood through my fingertips, up my arm and through my entire body. I feel it sink down to nest in my blood and bones, shining into my soul.
No longer feeling burdened, I find the strength to come to my feet and make my way towards the steps. When I look above, I see the moonlight lancing down. My guardian smiles at me and encourages me to descend the steps, which I do. My guardian follows close behind me. With each step, I feel a sense of relief which I am walking into.
I come out into a place of soft and fragrant breezes. I hear the sound of wind in tall trees. A dark landscape washed by the moon stretches before me. The air smells of cut grass which takes my mind back to my much missed childhood garden. It feels warm against my face.
Even though I have never seen (or been to) this place before, it seems familiar. It is completely safe here; a place of blissful sanctuary.
Perhaps the fresh mineral water – or simply the giving up of my many burdens – has made me start feeling tired. I decide to lie down in a midst of soft grass, listening to the play of the wind over the sleeping land.
I figure out that my guardian – whoever he or she is – is a benign presence, but also one who will protect me completely (especially from the negative and toxic people in my life). The force that emanates from them is both powerful and comforting.
There is light coming towards me. Nothing in this world (or in my mind) is able to stand in the face of that shining. It appears as if they have crossed twin swords above me, which are visibly clear; their purpose is to keep out everything except the good and positive.
Today, I bathe in the sense of freedom. Of light. Or possibilities, wonder, and bliss.By the time night time comes, I find myself falling asleep with a clear mind. I decide to come back to this refuge time and time again in order to rid myself of my bitterness and depression. Even though I am unhappy with my life and with life in general, I am grateful to my guardian.